I don't know what to do. My oldest son is almost 11 and he wants to live with his Dad. His Dad was a very controlling man when we were together. He never told the truth, he made up lies to make himself look better, He drank from morning till night,(but he hid it so no one ever saw him take a drink) He was abusive to me. There were a few times he choked me. most of the time he just tried to scare me into doing what he wanted me to do. We have been apart for 4 years now and he still tells my son he loves me and wants me back. My son belive's every word his dad tells him. My son feels like its my fault his dad and I are not together. His dad is living with another woman now but my son says she's not his girlfriend. he slips sometimes and says things that show me he know it is his girlfriend but he dont want me to know. I told him I don't care if he has a girlfriend and that it dont make me mad. I want him to go on with his life and leave me alone. My son told me last week that if I didn't piss his dad off when he was drunk that he wouldnt have yelled at me all the time. It really hurts that I have to defend myself to my own son. I left my husband because I couldn't take it anymore. Now 4 years later he is still make my life miserable. I don't want my son to go. But I don't want my son to be unhappy. I am worried that if he goes to live with his Dad I will lose him forever.
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I hope that this situation works out for you and your son. I know how scary it can be, and how difficult it is on you....
Again, I wish I had some advice, but all I can offer is support, and tell you to remain strong. Don't let this jerk get the best of you, you need to be able to do what is best for your son, and you're his Mother and you will know what that it is.
Take care. Will be checking back to see how this works out for you.
Do what you think is right. You're son, when he is old enough, will come back with more understanding. Trust me-there is a point when he will think for himself. Then he can do the math, and make up his own mind. All you can do is love him, and wait with open arms.
Make it a point to tell him that.
My parents did the same thing to me-my mom would tell me one thing, my dad another. I felt I had to lie to make sure they didn't get mad-because they constantly wanted tidbits about the other. I was so confused. When CPS finally stepped in, I was a wreck. My mom told me my dad hated me, my dad was desperately trying to find me-(my mom hid from him) and I had no clue who to believe. When I was transferred into my dad's care, he gave me the good, the bad, and the ugly. After that, I was left to make up my own mind. And I did. I still respect my dad to this day. My mom chose a drug dealing pedophile that raped her children. And lied to me every step of the way.
Keep the communication open. Your son will respect you for it.
I now live in the same town and the dad of the first two so that won't be an issue, however, the baby loves his dad very much and I will probably face this down the road. I pray that you find the strength and courage to do right by your son. Whatever you do don't let your decision be swayed by fear...your son will always love you. Even if he gets a little smart in the mouth sometimes, it's only because he's hurting and like a child only knows to lash out at the ones nearest to him. Take care.