Okay first I want to thank everyone for there comments, they have helped alot. Here is an update:
First of all my son I guess is going to go live with his Dad. I really don't know what else to do but let him see for himself what his Dad is. Its been really hard to except this I have had a really hard time dealing with it, but I don't cry about it in front of my son or anyone else for that matter. You know put a smile on your face and pretend everything is fine. That is how I deal with things. Thats why I decided to start blogging. I thought if I talk about it maybe I wont make myself sick holding it all in. I'm 31 years old and I have high blood pressure, I'm not over weight and it don't run in my family. All I can come up with is that I just let the stress of everything get to me. So hopefully this will help. Again thanks everyone for you thoughts and and advise I really appreciate it all.

I don't know what to do. My oldest son is almost 11 and he wants to live with his Dad. His Dad was a very controlling man when we were together. He never told the truth, he made up lies to make himself look better, He drank from morning till night,(but he hid it so no one ever saw him take a drink) He was abusive to me. There were a few times he choked me. most of the time he just tried to scare me into doing what he wanted me to do. We have been apart for 4 years now and he still tells my son he loves me and wants me back. My son belive's every word his dad tells him. My son feels like its my fault his dad and I are not together. His dad is living with another woman now but my son says she's not his girlfriend. he slips sometimes and says things that show me he know it is his girlfriend but he dont want me to know. I told him I don't care if he has a girlfriend and that it dont make me mad. I want him to go on with his life and leave me alone. My son told me last week that if I didn't piss his dad off when he was drunk that he wouldnt have yelled at me all the time. It really hurts that I have to defend myself to my own son. I left my husband because I couldn't take it anymore. Now 4 years later he is still make my life miserable. I don't want my son to go. But I don't want my son to be unhappy. I am worried that if he goes to live with his Dad I will lose him forever.

Okay today I have been in allot of pain. I went to the dentist a week ago and I think maybe he is trying to kill me. I hurt worse now than I ever have. Of course he gives me something for the pain so I take it before I go to work I was so out of it they sent me home for the day! So I get home and I think I'm going to get some sleep before my kids come home. WRONG! My ex calls and keeps bugging me. I get so sick of him calling me. He threatens me with the kids if I don't agree with him. so anyway I hung up on him and stopped answering the phone. By then I was in pain again. So of course I didn't get any sleep. Oh well. Now my kids are in bed and I am hoping I will be able to get some sleep tonight. Well I don't mean to complain. I love my kids and don't know what I would do without them.

Good night all!!!!!

Okay I've never done this but I thought I would try it. Since this is my first message I will tell a little about myself. I'm 31 years old. (but I look 21 ha ha) I have been divorced for 4 years. I have three great kids. I had an abusive husband that still to this day thinks we should still be together. I work very hard and I live from pay check to pay check. I have no life other than my kids because I don't have time to do anything other than work and take care of them. I have no family near me so i really get to missing them.

My son (the oldest) wants to live with his crazy Dad, because his Dad takes him out and spends money on him and gives him money. I can't do those things because I'm to busy paying the bills! This has really has been hard for me to except.

Anyway thats me! Not to exciting, but it could always be worse.